Tag: Poms

Malcolm, who are you Conning?

On By deepozIn Archive 2014-20104 Comments
Reading an interesting article by News Limited’s Senior Cricket Correspondent, Malcolm Conn in the Sydney Daily Telegraph of Sat, 6-Aug-11, just confirmed a few things I already know. Since this article is unavailable on-line, it is given below verbatim, in full, including two pictures.
_________________________________________________________________________
 Why India doesn’t want to know about the technology that Australia can bring to Umpiring decisions: Malcolm Conn

These photos prove why India has been using third rate technology as an excuse to stop video umpires ruling on the leg before wicket decisions.

The photos (left) with the spars red dots highlights the cheap and inaccurate system the International Cricket Council used during the recent World cup, which raised India’s ire.

The tightly packed white dots in the photo (right) shows the space age technology Channel Nine began using last season and will use again for the New Zealand and India series this summer.

The system used by the ICC through normal television cameras tracked the ball 26 times on its journey from bowler to batsman. Channel Nine’s new technology, using six high speed cameras and fibre optic cable, tracks the ball 130 times on the same path, offering far greater accuracy. Nine now uses Eagle Eye, which is twice as good as the previous Hawk Eye and far superior to ICC’s third rate system.

Executive producer of Nine’s cricket coverage, Brad McNamara, fears confusion this summer because the full system will be used in two Tests against New Zealand but lbws will be excluded for the following series against India. “It will be interesting to see what happens,” McNamara said.

Ricky Ponting is baffled as the rest of the cricket world by India’s refusal to use technology that improves the accuracy of umpiring decisions.

END OF THE ARTICLE
_________________________________________________________________________

There you go…I am sure you will be surprised as much as I am to read some oxy-morons in above writing. By calling ICC’s current technology (or Hawk Eye) as third rate and THEN saying India is using it as an EXCUSE to prevent UDRS is a typical jaundiced-eye, chip-on-the-shoulder, holier-than-thou western writing born out of immensely undiluted acidic reflux, that simple people like me call “jealousy”. If the Hawk Eye is third rate (he has used that qualification twice in the article), then isn’t India’s stand on refusing to use it vindicated? D’uh?? Probably, Malcolm, that is what you also want to say, but something prevents you from saying? If the so-called high-profile writers are really keen to assess truth, won’t you expect them to ask that question to the businesses commercializing the technology or its inventors? Won’t it be logical to ask why Hawk Eye has NOW agreed to do more tests and generate data before ICC can accept it, only after BCCI and Indian team refused to accept it? I will tell you why. Because that would simply vindicate what Indian players and BCCI all along have been saying; that technology is still not fool-proof and they are correct in going with the on-field umpire’s decision!! Instead of calling that as the real spirit of cricket, Indians are being pole-axed, in writings and TV commentaries. If claims in Malcolm’s article are correct about Hawk Eye being third rate, it makes me wonder why all Pommy commentators on Sky commentary team in the current India-England series, are so keen to incessantly blame BCCI for not accepting that.

Let me be very clear; I am seriously impressed with all the “space-age” technical mambo-jumbo about high fps (frames per second) pictures delivered by fiber optic cable and ball tracking capability increasing by 130/26 = 5 times!! Wow! That’s awesome, isn’t it? So Malcolm, could you please tell me what fps is required now, to make the on-field umpire redundant??

I am yet to see hard core evidence that DRS of any kind, Hawk or Eagle, is fool-proof. And if not fool-proof, why not wait till more evidence is available? I will tell you why. Inventors need money to perform their experiments to generate data. By clever marketing gimmicks like these, all they are trying to do is get ICC and individual cricket boards to cough up the money to fine tune their “third rate” technology. What they do with that technology after it is developed sufficiently to be commercialized for other uses, is no concern of cricket boards or ICC. The commercial exploitation will line up the business’s pockets. Hey, here is a gravy train. Let us jump on it; poor old cricketers who are now writers or commentators of some reputation, and those who have missed the gravy train, just can’t resist this, now can they? And who would blame them? Of course for poor, all believing simpleton cricket fans like me (don’t know about you), it is all in the interest of improving the game….oh yeah??

Don’t get me wrong; I am no techno-phoebe. Quite the contrary; for a person who had not seen a computer, let alone use it, till the age of 37, I am pretty good at taking up technology. (if this blog is any evidence). I love the idea of incorporating new technologies to improve the game. However, being a scientist, I like to see experimental data under controlled conditions. Malcolm doesn’t give any proof to his claim in this article, that “Channel Nine’s Eagle Eye is TWICE as good as the Hawk Eye, and far superior to ICC’s third rate system”. I am sorry, mate, I can’t understand. If the ball tracking along the path is 5 times more (130 to 26) than ICC’s third rate Hawk Eye, isn’t it 5 times more efficient? Modest Malcolm, certainly sounds oxy-moronic! Perhaps Eagle Eye has some data somewhere, but they are not comfortable in releasing/publishing that as yet. Perhaps by utilizing the big guns of the fourth estate (and fifth, being TV) they are aiming to obtain sufficient funding for their project? Cash for Comments? Those of us who live in Australia and are avid fans of yak-back radio, would surely recognise the syndrome, won’t we??

If I was a Hawk or Eagle Eye inventor, first thing I would do is to publish that data to get confidence of players, officials and fans like me. I am yet to see that.

You know what, Malcolm, you have still missed the most important point in all this. Improving the ball tracking efficiency is great. What I fail to understand, is how does it improve PREDICTIVE PATH of the ball AFTER it has been intercepted by the batsman? What algorithms are used to extrapolate that path? Try and pitch the ball with the same energy (or pace) on same spot on day one and day five wicket, and I am sure it will travel differently; bounce and carry will vary significantly. Even when the ball hits either seam or the leather sides, it travels differently, from the same spot on the same wicket. That is one reason why top quality cricket is played on turf and not synthetic wicket. That is why we have been lamenting so much in recent times that cricket has become so much of a batsman’s game, as wickets are now covered. That is why labels like “Flat track bullies” are applied to recent high scoring, record breaking batsmen when compared to past greats like Bradman, Hobbs or Hadley. Also, if a bowler bowls with a loose or cocked wrist, the ball travels at different pace after hitting the wicket. Often the ball swings after pitching in certain conditions. How will the so-claimed space age Hawk or Eagle Eye totally dependent upon the software algorithms, be able to pick up all of that?

At the end of all these arguments, I believe a well trained/experienced umpire’s brain is the best available technology……still! Yes, they can be helped to some extent, by some technology to take the pressure off them. I like the ball pitch map, that tells an umpire without any doubts whether the ball pitched within the critical area or not. I am not convinced that an umpire’s decision about the predictive path of the ball after it has been intercepted by the batsman, will be any less accurate than a set of high tech, high fps camera feeding the optic fibre and a computer. If all the technology was better than a well trained human brain which can re-calibrate it self after every ball, using the available information (as compared to a static software that needs input from data interpreted by a human), then why do we need human umpires??? No balls, number of balls bowled in an over, bowler or a batsman transgressing on playing area; all that can be done better by a machine. So umpires will be required only to listen to the quality of sledging and enforce what is bandied around these days as the spirit of cricket? So human umpires will become Cricket Cops? You, all of those who seriously swear by DRS, can you imagine how robotic the game will be? OK, you may argue, as long as correct decisions are made. Fair enough. However, is there a guarantee that even with the best available technology, 100% correct decisions will be made? That is why I still prefer Rauf Eye or a Taufel Eye over a Hawk Eye or an Eagle Eye.

You know what, being humans, we will forgive a human error, some times, eventually; but not a machine. Believe you me, if we have machines controlling games, it will become far more acrimonious because there will be claims that machines are more easy to manipulate than humans. With the kind of high tech mambo-jumbo, not every one’s cup of tea to understand and control, the power of controlling the outcome of a game will shift into the hands of a handful of technicians, who instead of representing ICC and game, will be representing the commercial businesses owning/operating the technology. We saw how DRS was either manipulated or erroneously used in recently concluded  India V West Indies series, when the technician could not (or did not) produce correct replay frame to confirm that Dhoni was out of a no-ball!! How did the so called space-age technology help there? If you ask me, machine-run system in totality, is far more susceptible to manipulations than a human umpire.

Dickie Bird, the best ever umpire who stood in international cricket, in my opinion, is not fond of the UDRS. There has been a war of words between Ravi Shastri and Nassar Hussain in recent India-England series about the use of DRS, that clearly indicates to me, that not every one is enamoured by this, as yet. However, many Indian journos and fans have opined that Shastri’s use of word “jealousy” was a “tantrum”; some going to the length of calling Shastri and Sunil Gavaskar, BCCI “chamchas” or “pitthus”. Fact of the matter is, a majority of fans (prominently Indian fans) are sold on the marketing gimmick by Hawk Eye or Eagle Eye, without realising that there is not enough data presented to us; if it has been done to players, umpires and cricket boards, I haven’t heard about that yet. Hot Spot (Infra-red camera), the so-called fool-proof technology has proved to be not necessarily so, if we are to believe numerous comments made by the English past players and commentators on various media including tweets, that VVS Laxman survived a clear caught behind as hot spot failed to show up. And what about a totally unnecessary controversy that Vaseline can be used on the bat to create a cool-spot to cheat the Hot-Spot camera? The inventors have, since, confirmed that this is not possible. Hopefully, their inference is not driven by economical factors. Interesting thing, though, is that the reason why the whole of the Pommy Land was convinced that there was a nick, was due to a noise caught on the Snickometer. Wow! The same snicko, which till then had been considered LESS believable than Hot Spot!! How does that work? Why not, even once, did any Pommy commentator mention that the noise could be a creaking bat handle rather than an actual edge, something that was bandied around at every possible inexplicable “woody” click on the Snickometer, before Hot spot was used ? (If it was and I did not hear, my apologies)

You know what, the answer is simple, that is, if you bloody care to ACCEPT it. Poms and Aussies will always talk about only that evidence that helps their team….PERIOD!! Michael Vaughn even went to the length of calling a gentleman cricketer like VVS, who in these days of gamesmanship is like a long extinct dodo’s tail, a cheat. Poms have been so riled for long, by cheat label that was stuck on John Lever in Vaseline affair, that they have been itching to return the serve. To me, that is the real Colonial mentality!!!!

Don’t get conned by these senior players, commentators or even so-called writers like Malcolm Conn. They are not one eyed…..they are plain damn blind to any thing that is not in the favour of their team….Don’t you remember that cry from our childhood days…”Aapni tukdi Zindabad” (આપણી ટુકડી ઝિંદાબાદ)?? Our team always wins!…….and to talk about the Spirit of Cricket, in the same breath….GIVE ME A BREAK!!

pU steS! Talking Confuciusly!

On By deepozIn Archive 2014-20103 Comments

Three quarter finals have been done and dusted. Confusion reigns!! One major upset, one sort of and one a damp squib. Such a contrasting level of cricket skills seen in all three games……. confusion rains!!

West Indian effort against Pakistan was a total washout; a complete disgrace and unworthy of last 8 round of a premier competition. May be West Indian team decided to take their revenge on Bangla spectators for the stones they received at their hands!! Me thinks that may be West Indians took it upon them selves to confuse the (g)hosts of match-fixers that inevitably tag along Pakistan team, like a Betal on Vikram’s shoulder! May be this is a better way of taking the ghost of match-fixing out of equation?? Take that..we will shoot your odds to hell! And for free….

I mean, for cryinoutloud, how can batsman after batsman of international class miss simple straight ones? I thought I saw an expression of utter confusion on the face of Mohammad Hafiz. Poor fellow must be trying hard to spin the ball and here he is getting wickets even when failing to do so? Wow, how come no one told me that to be a “right-arm-sidha” could be so profitable? Sack the coach!!! When confusion rains, it could be cats and dogs and wickets!!

To me, more than minnows bashing this spineless batting performance is a reason enough to dredge up the  discussion to revamp this premier competition. Reduce this to only 8 teams AND performance in last tournament should count towards your entry to the next!!! If you loose by over a certain margin (e.g. over 100 runs or more than 8 wickets), whatever you do in proceeding four years, you shall remain barred till next edition! Sorry, that is a bit harsh but there has to be some bloody accountability towards performance. If the players do not take pride in their performance, may be they do not deserve to get the center stage! Perhaps ICC should penalise the board for such a pathetic performance. May be their one year royalty or whatever that ICC distributes to the member boards should be withdrawn! May be if the board members find it hard to live an exalted status for a year or two, it may knock some sense in those fat cats? In case of Windies, that would certainly be helpful. If they had settled the players contract issue in time the team could have performed better….or would they? Confusion reigns…

Was it New Zealand beating South Africa or South Africa loosing to NZ or SAF beating it self? I am confused….I guess, so must be Daniel Vettori and his team. While the South Africans are perhaps chokfused!! How can you explain this phenomenon of choking? People have choked on fish bone; even on drinks. Choke  Africans, oops South Africans  do so regularly in cricket. Graeme Smith has been known to answer “choking” questions from scribes by dismissive and aggressive responses; sadly he and his team has refused to answer that in the best possible manner; on the turf! Strange how many times a team can repeat its follies? On the other hand, you can say that in case of South African cricket, the saying “practice makes you perfect” can’t be truer! It is unconfirmed news that ICC is going to open a “Hall of Choke” which will exclusively include South Africans. The inductees will be called “Choke-a-bloke”. I have this from an unquestionable source that Google will request Smith to write the new Chokopedia. Also it is grapevine on the international cricket circuit that South Africans are not sledged….just “c” word followed by a grin will do! I was surprised when I heard that South African team management had given strict instructions to caterers that their dressing room shall be chocolate-proof…..now I know why. For heaven’s sake, scribes are rummaging the statistics to dig out all “choking” stats of South Africans. The pity is they don’t need to search too hard!! I am told that some one from SAF team actually accused Indian Hindi reporters of sledging when they mentioned phrase “choka chhakka”!  I mean, for chrissake, Kiwis won this fair and square. Isn’t it a “choking” shame that we talk only about South Africa?? That’s why I am confused with this up set!!

To be honest, the Kiwis were still celebrating Australian team’s loss to India more than their miraculous win. They now have the antipodean bragging rights for the next four years; for the first time in the history of World cups, Kiwis have gone a step beyond their elder neighbors. (if it is incorrect, then I blame it on confusion!). I heard a loud cheer last night from across the ditch. I was told it was New Zealand cheering their team’s win. Then there was even louder cheer. It seems some one mentioned Australia!! India’s beating Australia can be called a “sort-of upset”. In some ways India were expected to win in their home conditions. But India’s performance till date was confusing. Perhaps the players were confused that they were still playing overseas… However, it seems that the Aussie sledging reminded them of the “home-truth”. Australian media is now accusing Ricky Ponting of poor captainship. It was reported in one daily that “It was disapPonting to note that we did not let the sleeping dogs lie”.

Hopefully, it is expected that this state of confusion will not continue for long. Tonight, Sri Lankans will resolve any confusion Andrew Strauss has about the out come of last quarter finals. Seems like Strauss is confident of “adjusting”. I have a feeling that by the end of the game Poms willl know that adjusting is not enough in cricket; you have to win it!! But then again, Poms have been the most Jekyll and Hyde team of this World cup. So much so that Afridi is totally confused. So much so that the Pakistani team has registered a protest with ICC and threatened England for a compensation for “breaching of our paternal rights”. Now ICC is confused and trying to interpret cricket laws as per Sharia Laws!! Confusion reigns supreme….

Fly On The Wall Catches…………………Achhoo!

On By deepozIn Archive 2014-20102 Comments

Sorry, have been flying around, so no contact. Heard this when I was a fly on the wall somewhere..

Small Boss (b): Sir, this is brewing into a big problem.
Big Boss (B): (snaps out of his snooze with a Homer Simpson drawl) Brew, ahhaaaa….I love my brew. How can brewing be a problem?
b: Sir, I mean the cricket scandal; this spot-fixing by cricketers may fix us.
B: (suddenly sits up) How?
b: Well Sir, obviously everyone will think if cricketers are so corrupt what about the cricket board?
B: How can people connect cricketers to the Board? We said and did nothing when IPL kicked out cricketers, did we?
b: Errrr..well, (coughs), sir, we sort of managed it…newspapers did report Sports minister’s complain to his counterpart about being snubbed and a national insult and all the patriotic emotional…..
B: (cuts him off) Well, that is just standard political rhetoric. Does not prove our connection to the players. If anything, it will prove to the world that the government is also operating as per international standards like that…what do you call it? (snaps his fingers) aaha, the ISO!! But anyway, I do accept that we have to be seen to be doing something. After all, that IS our job. What do you think?
b: Well, sir,we can put the blame on an external influence…(winks)
B: Aha! Got you now. We better stay out of this whole thing, or we will have to answer the fans and government or even intelligence agency…(shiver runs through him) now, that could get messy. So the best outcome will be blaming BCCI and/or Indian government. The gullible fans will just lap it up. We can probably motivate some government official to blame Indians somehow?
b: That would be most wise, Sir. Batting, bookies and Indians are synonymous anyway. Remember John the bookie? I think if we dig hard enough, we can discover a Moolchand somewhere??
B: Moolchand?
b: Moolchand or Mazhar, what’s in a name, Sir. If he is a bookie, he out to be Indian!
B: Good, call the High Commissioner to London; time for him to start paying back for all the bloody free tickets he has been enjoying. It is best that government handle this or we can offend cricket’s Big Brother…and as you know, without Him, all our high-flying lifestyle will come down crashing!! Also tell the coach this time to keep his mouth shut unlike the previous one, who spilled the bloody beans on the Sydney test!
b: Sir, with all the due respect, we may still need plan B. You know what, Sir, its a pity that we were not playing at home..
B: Why do you say that?
b: Because then our intelligent agency would have “explained” that video footage evidence suitably. Unfortunately we are dealing with Scotland Yard..
B: (with a large grin showing paan-chewed, gold-capped teeth): You gave me an idea Chhotu. Isn’t it correct that even though we are playing in England, we are the host nation? So we can claim we are still the host board for this series. We should have home advantage and hence we can summon our police to do the investigation instead of the Scotland Yard! Problem solved!!
b: Umm, Sir, but the home series was against the Australians. Against England, we are visitors.
B: Oh well, ok. May be I should keep my eyes open in the meetings! Bloody meetings, why do we keep them after Lunch? Anyway, that will be our plan B.
b: What exactly are you saying, Sir?
B: Well, I tell you what. If the players have not left the country after completing the home series, they are, technically speaking, still at home!!
Chhotu looks stunned!! And seems like that is not a first.. Big B continues.. 
B: Plan B; let us blame the ECB for bringing in foreign police to do the investigation. Frankly, my dear chap, it is racism!! And to be perfectly honest, our intelligence agency would do a lot better job than Scotland yard. They have received plenty of recommendations from foreign governments like India and USA!!
b: Well, Sir, ECB has actually been very kind to us in hosting Australian series. That may not go down well..
B: Well, Poms need Pounds too. Don’t worry, I will explain it all to that fellow, what’s his name…ah well, whoever, when we meet at the Champions League T20 retreat in South Africa… He understands sub-continent politics quite well…
b: Brilliant, Sir, as usual…aap ka jawab nahi..Just for my curiosity, do you seriously believe there is Indian hand in everything wrong happening here?
B: Absolutely..no doubts.
b: Even in natural disasters like the floods, tropical cyclones, earthquakes etc?
B: Of course. I am amazed you can’t see that, Chhotu. May be that is why you are small. India gave us the wrong side of the land. But more importantly, if they had not separated, it would have been India suffering now! I tell you, they are rogues..
b: (opens his mouth to say something but words do not emerge)….
B: I must confess though, that I do not see Indian hand in everything.
b: So are you really saying there was some calamity in which there was no Indian hand? Which one Sir?
B: Well, the tropical cyclone Phet, which hit us hard and completely missed India!
b: So you are saying that India was not responsible for the cyclone Phet, correct?
B: I didn’t say that Chhotu. I said, there was no Indian HAND in that. There were plenty of Indian mouths!!
b: (almost falling off his chair) What?
B: Well, I tell you; mark my words my dear chap. It was those billions of Indian mouths that were blowing hard at the cyclone and diverted it from their western sea coast to Karachi!
b: (suddenly tumbles out of his chair and touches the feet of Big B): Tusi badi top ho Sir! Now I know why no one except you deserves to sit on this chair..

Been sneezing since…Now I know how even a fly on the wall catches cold!! 

Blame the Poms!

On By deepozIn Archive 2014-20102 Comments

What the heck! Since when is it that you can’t call ordinary, ordinary?? Isn’t it lot better than telling a player “Good Morning, how is your wife and my kids?” (alleged famous sledge by Rodney Marsh to Ian Botham).

Gautam Gambhir got reprimanded for calling Rajasthan Royal batsmen ordinary. Here is what he said;
“I think Rajasthan was never a threat. Except for Yusuf Pathan, the other guys were pretty ordinary,” Gambhir said. “We weren’t really worried about anyone else.” He was found guilty of Level 1 offense due to
“Public criticism of, or inappropriate comment in relation to an incident occurring in a Match or any Player, Team Official, Match Official or Team participating in any Match, irrespective of when such criticism or inappropriate comment is made.” Poor Gambhir, with a name like that he is taken seriously every time he opens the mouth!! (Gambhir in Hindi means serious).

That put the bee in the bonnet of IPL’s Lord Lalit Modi JEE. Why? Is it because Gauti called the players of a team he loves ordinary? Did Gambhir actually said that the PLAYERS were ordinary? Or did he say they PLAYED ordinary? Those in agreement with reprimand answer yes to the former while those opposing, to the latter. Harsha Bhogle said reprimanding a player for honest observations “could only lead to more boring, vanilla statements of the sort we now get at press conferences”.I much prefer Hokey Pokey to vanilla!

If you ask me, I think it is all due to Bloody Poms!! If they had not brought their language to the subcontinent none of this would have happened (we don’t mind the game!). Been ages since Indians are speaking English in India. So much so that young ones start speaking in English even before they can master their mother tongue and the parents actually take pride in it! Bloody Poms! However, Indians are very adaptable; they will Indianise anything, even a language. If you live on the sub-continent long enough, you will realize that what goes in the name of English  is actually Indish, the only truly Indian language with a smattering of English; it may probably make Shakespeare’s skeleton rattle in his grave. .I sincerely believe it is a truly Gandhian way of taking a revenge for centuries of subservience! Give a few years; this new India will convert Hollywood into Mumwood!! (Cricky! even this blog is beginning to sound so..).

Sorry, I am drifting..what has Gambhir’s reprimand got to do with English? Well, everything; mainly since I am convinced that all the problems in the world are due to Poms!! Especially after I have become an Aussie!! ha ha…

Seriously, I believe if Gambhir had answered in Hindi, he would have said “युसूफ के सिवा सभी खिलाडी बेकार थे”. which does not necessarily criticize players but translate as “युसूफ के सिवा सभी बेकार खेले और हमे उनसे डरने की कोई जरुरत नहीं लगी”.(all played badly and we were not worried about them). Put this one against Gambhir as a lack of language skill rather than arrogance or public criticism of players. Same as Bhajji’s famous “Teri Maaki..” statement.

About time Mody JEE stopped being more English than English! After all Cricket is an Indian game now!! Screw the Poms! We beat them even in Lagaan!!:-))